The Patience of a Saint

I may not have the patience of a Saint, but I do have the self-restraint of one.

I woke up at 10 minutes to 2 this morning to the sound of someone pissing on the floor outside my room.  I thought maybe I’d been dreaming since I did have to go.  I got up, went to the door, and opened it to find Jamie standing in the hallway in his underwear. 

I asked, “Did Lady piss on the floor?”

“No.”

I asked, “Did you piss on the floor?”

“No.”  This time he said it with attitude.  I looked at him for a moment then shut the door.  I went back to bed.  I lied there for about one and one half minutes then got up.  I turned on the closet light.  I went to the door and turned on the main light in the room.  I opened the door and saw that the floor was sopping wet.  He was lying on the floor in the hallway.

“Oh!  My leg.  My leg!”  I hopped out into the hallway over the puddle he’d left on the floor.  “I find you standing in the hall outside my bedroom door in your underwear and someone’s pissed on the floor and you expect me to care about your leg that isn’t hurt?  Shut up about your damn leg,” I said as I pushed passed him on my way to the bathroom.  His head whacked off my thigh as I went by. 

I went into the bathroom, shut the door, turned on the light, and sat on the toilet.  As I peed, I listened to him make noise in the hall.  When I was finished and my hands were washed, I opened the door to find the hallway empty.  I grabbed a towel out of the linen closet and put it on the floor where he’d pissed.  I put my sneakers on and stood on the towel for a few moments then I headed downstairs in search of something to draw out the liquid from the carpet and the floor.  I was hoping for Arm & Hammer.  I ended up with cornstarch.

I put a generous amount of the cornstarch on the floor then brought the towel downstairs and tossed it into the washer which I filled with water and soap but did not run.  I left the cornstarch on the counter then went back up to my room.  I locked the door and took my sneakers off.  I sent him a private message on Facebook telling him that I’d cleaned most of his mess but that I expect him to vacuum it up.

I don’t normally lock my door at night, but I think I will be from now on.  I don’t like the idea of him pissing in my room any more than I like the idea of him doing that anywhere but in the toilet.  I am also a little freaked out that I opened my bedroom door to find my brother in nothing but his underwear immediately on the other side.

I am exhausted now because of his idiocy last night.